Exclamation point shortage ignites social networking panic, outrage

December 23rd, 2009 No Comments

With the excitement of holiday gifts rapidly approaching, Facebook moved to calm fears at a Wednesday morning press conference regarding rumors of an exclamation point shortage.

“There is absolutely no exclamation point shortage on Facebook,” a spokesperson for the social networking giant said. “The rumors are unfounded and completely false.”

Facebook says that despite the rapid growth in users over the previous year, all users should be able to update their status as excitedly as they wish.

“Exclamation points are a personal choice. Facebook won’t infringe on the rights of our users. Our track record speaks for itself.”

Beverly Hills based MySpace is asking users to conserve exclamation points, offering a number of solutions including limiting the number of exclamations to three per post and twenty-one per day. In a statement released earlier this week, MySpace suggested replacing exclamation points with asterisks or dollar signs. “Who doesn’t like money symbols?” the statement read. The statement also said that users who exceed more than 50 exclamation points per day will have their accounts suspended indefinitely.

The move is seen as largely symbolic as no one actually uses MySpace anymore.

Many wonder if the MySpace policy shift is a sign of things to come for Facebook. Preemptive rallies have sprung up around the country in protest of the yet-to-be-imposed limits. Protesters gathered at local wifi hotspots to update their status in unison. Many users have updated their status to read, “Facebook can take away our exclamation points, but they can never take the exclamation out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Others read, “What the?!?!? FACEBOOK is trying to ruin my life!!!!” One more contemplative user is pondering life with fewer exclamation points. “I find it amazing that Facebook thinks one exclamation point will express my excitement about pizza. I just had pizza for dinner! Are you kidding?!?!?! This sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

While other social networks struggle with a shortage, Twitter is cashing in on a surplus. They are currently in talks with MySpace to supply the company with some of their extra punctuation. Industry experts spokesperson suggested that the 140 character limit for messages helped curb overuse.

“Most tweeple can keep their exclamation point usage to at least seven or eight per message,” said Stanford University social media professor Ed Itor. “Twitter has plenty to go around.”

Officials at the United States Letters and Punctuation Bureau say they have been monitoring the situation closely and will step in if necessary. “After the L shortage in 2007, we put an emergency preparedness plan in place for just this type of thing. Thankfully, the economy has far fewer people laughing out loud. We’re hopeful it will have the same effect on the Christmas exclamation points. The Twitter surplus will help, but we’re concerned that certain users will quickly sap the extra resources.”

The USLPB encourages everyone to do their part by limiting exclamation points to normal, grammatically prescribed standards. But they are ready to step in if necessary.

“If we have to visit Serena Williams and Perry Noble and every overly excited teenager in the country and show them photos of homeless puppies, that’s something we’re prepared to do.”

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Seth Godin’s new book, free.

December 14th, 2009 No Comments

Hey all,

Seth Godin just produced this new ebook. And he’s giving it away. Free. No pyramid scheme. No ‘give me five email addresses.’

Just free.

Not only that, but he’s invited others to post it on their site for free download.

I downloaded it this morning. I haven’t read it yet, but this will be my book this week for 52|52 (via @ahc. I’m getting a head on 2010 start knowing I’ll get behind.)

If you read it, let me know what you think.

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Time to steal the Baby Jesus: Thoughts on Preparing for Christmas

December 8th, 2009 2 Comments

Christmas prep 2009 has begun. Most of us have begun our Christmas decorating and shopping. Here in Colorado Springs, the snow has been falling non-stop for the last 48 hours. It’s a Norman Rockwell painting of Costco outside my office.

The first real snow of December always pushes my mind further toward Christmas. But it’s not Christmas. It’s the second week of Advent and I’m waiting for all the wrong things.

And it’s making me cranky.

I’m waiting for other drivers out of my way. I’m waiting for the checker at Target to hurry up. I’m waiting for the girl at Starbucks to quit asking me if I’d like to try their new Carmel Bruleé latte so I can just order my coffee. More than anything, I’m waiting for the rediculously rewritten Christmas carols being used to sell TVs to get off of the air.

Sometimes waiting for Christmas feels like waiting for it to be over.

Maybe it’s time to steal the baby Jesus.

For my wife, stealing baby Jesus is a tradition going back as long as she can remember. Within hours of her mother setting out their hand-carved wooden nativity scene, Amy would sneak into the living room, leaving an empty manger subject to much adoration from a cast of barn animals and oak-colored people.

And just as sure as she would take Jesus out of his manger during Advent, she would return him on Christmas morning. “Jesus didn’t come until Christmas,” she reminds us.

Empty Manger

Inspired, we tried pulling the same stunt at work one year. We snuck into the chapel, carefully removed the baby Jesus and placed a note in the manager he vacated: “Don’t rush me! Be back Dec. 25th.”

Predictably, this maneuver didn’t receive overwhelming praise from co-workers. But it is faithful to the story.

The church I became a Christian in emphasized self-examination leading up to communion. As we sat and waited for the trays of tiny biscuits and cups of grape juice to make their way down the row, we were supposed to think of what Jesus has done for us, how he gave himself, how we’ve failed to give ourselves and how he’s forgiven us for that. Advent is like that. It helps us wait and anticipate and hope for the Messiah to come again. Advent helps us appreciate Jesus coming. Advent gets us ready for one of the two best celebrations of the Christian year.

But instead of waiting, we get most of our celebrating out of our system beforehand. Offices are full of Christmas goodies right up until Christmas Day. The day after everyone’s signing up at the gym. We play Christmas music non-stop starting on Black Friday, but hum a bar or two of Jingle Bells on December 26th, you’ll probably get clubbed in the skull with fruitcake.

I wonder if we sell our celebration short. We spend about forty days shopping and baking and snacking and about a day and a half celebrating. Maybe if we prepared differently, waited, hoped, longed, our celebrations would be different. More exuberance and less frustration, more feasting and less munching, more joy. Maybe we’d celebrate a bit longer, a bit louder, with a bit more joy and exuberance. We wouldn’t ease in holiday and munch ourselves into a New Year’s resolution, but cannon ball right into the feast of Christmas and party until we’ve got nothing left to give.

If you have a nativity set, give it a try this year. Steal the baby Jesus. Until Christmas, look at the empty manger and imagine a world without a Savior. Wait for the only thing that really matters.

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Tweet Unto Others 2: Put the social in social networks

December 4th, 2009 2 Comments

Sometimes the most obvious things are the ones we miss.

If I can’t find my keys, I’ll go from room to room looking under the bed, on the ironing board, inside the fridge, etc. But chances are, they were sitting in plain sight within five feet of the door. I’m sure there’s a psychological phenomena that explains this, but we tend to over look common things in common places, even if they are the most important thing.

Sometimes we forget that social networking should be social.

Duh, right?

Like my keys, the social interaction of social networking manages to elude many people’s sight. Facebook and Twitter can quickly dissolve from a social network to a digital megaphone where shouting individuals have not decibel receptacles for what anyone else is saying. People have always had problems talking past each other. The internet only makes it worse.

On the flip side, Facebook and Myspace are also home to a number of social voyeurs. These folks only get an account to see into others’ lives. When our neighbors do this in real life, we call them stalkers and get restraining orders. And just like in real life, they don’t actually add anything to the community.

Being a good neighbor online means being social. Share your life. Talk about what’s going on. Don’t share things that should stay private, but give something of yourself. Let someone else enjoy your updates the way you enjoy theirs.

And like real life, listen more than you talk. A lot more. You’re following or friends with these people. Read their updates. Look at their pictures. Hit the Like button liberally. Retweet. Respond kindly, even if not always agreeably. Don’t comment on everything, but respond at least twice as much as you update your status. Let your friends know you’re reading.

Put the social in your social networks.

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Making a (living)? Thoughts on giving on World AIDS Day

December 1st, 2009 2 Comments

My friend John is a word nerd. It’s one of the things I like best about him. He’s always playing with words, making them do things they shouldn’t be allowed to or should but aren’t. I think part of it is he was a linguistics major in college. I think the other part is he just gets a high from it.

Through my friendship with John, I’ve come to pay more attention to words. I pay more attention to what the words actually mean. This is especially true in marketing and fundraising. When a server at Old Chicago offers me a slice of Homemade Cheesecake, I’d really love to know whose home it’s made in. When Safeway checkers ask me if I’d like to donate to Prostate Cancer, I decline knowing that Prostate Cancer is killing plenty of people without my $5. And when a box promises me that “Anything is Possible with Popcorn“, I imagine the possibilities.

Yesterday Starbucks sent an email telling me that I could “help make a difference” on World AIDS Day and that I should “see how delicious doing good can be” with one of their holiday drinks. Awesome, right? Who wouldn’t want to help with that? Besides Fred Phelps, I mean.

The difference I could make? A nickel’s worth.

For every handcrafted beverage purchased, Starbucks will donate 5¢. These drinks cost somewhere around $3.25 each. The profit is somewhere around $2.50. Of the four million drinks sold daily, a conservative estimate is that 90% of these are considered handcrafted. This means Starbucks will donate around $180,000 today that they would otherwise put in their pocket. Kudos for that. But I can’t help but think that this email has less to do with the 2% donated to AIDS research and more to do with the 98% going to Starbucks shareholders.

I’m not anti-profit or anti-capitalism. I’m all for people making a living. But when you market and profit on a disease, maybe you’re not making a living. Maybe you’re making a killing.

If you’d like to contribute to the work going on with out buying anything, visit the designated giving page for RED. See how good doing good can be.

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Tweet Unto Others: Thoughts on being a good neighbor online

November 23rd, 2009 1 Comment

Jesus isn’t much for answering questions. All through the New Testament, Jesus ignores the question when he gives his answer. A friend once asked me if I thought this was rude. I admit that for a while I did. I felt guilty about this and chalked it up to his being God and that when you’re the boss you get to make the rules. But the longer I ask questions that don’t get answered, the more I see the problem isn’t Jesus’s answer. I think he’s trying to get us to ask better questions.

One of those answers was the parable of the good Samaritan. It wasn’t a random story Jesus told Peter at bedtime.  Jesus was asked, “Who is my neighbor?” after affirming that the second greatest commandment was “love your neighbor as yourself.”

I would have answered it with something smarmy about historical context and authorial intent. I would have wanted my answer to sound good on NPR, the kind of answer that would make Terry Gross thank me very much for talking with her.

Jesus responds with this story about a half-dead guy, a couple of people who refused to help him and a guy who did help him.

I would want to sound smart.

Jesus wants to change us.

In this story Jesus casts the widest possible net for treating someone else as we’d like to be treated ourselves. And he uses the most unlikely character to do so. I think the question Jesus is answering, and the one he wants us to ask, is “Who can I be a neighbor to?”

We all overlook someone we should be a neighbor to: Coworkers, customers, baristas, employees, family, grocery baggers, bosses, politicians, other drivers. Sometimes we over-spiritualize this teaching and forget that we should be neighbors to our neighbors. Everybody misses somebody.

How about your Twitter followers? Your Facebook friends? Your LinkedIn connections?

In the virtual world of social networking, it’s easy to get caught up in self. It’s your profile with your pictures and your words and your farmville (ugh). But social networks are about being connected. It’s the relational aspect of these sites that make them unique and popular.

If social networks are about relationships, then Jesus is calling us to be neighbors in these circles as well.

What does it look like to be a good neighbor on social networks? I have a few ideas, and I’ll share them here through at least the end of the year. I’m hoping that you have some ideas too because I’m sure I don’t have it all figured out.

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Royals make strides toward another 90 loss season

November 13th, 2009 No Comments

The Kansas City Royals began preparations in earnest last week toward their goal of another 90 loss season in 2010. On November 6th, the team acquired youngsters 2B Chris Getz and 3B Josh Fields in a trade for Moneyballer 3B/OF Mark Teahen. Yesterday, the Royals sign six-year veteran 3B Wilson Betemit. These players are expected to play key roles for the Royals as they fight their way to the bottom of the Central Division standings.

Interestingly, all three players come from division rival Chicago White Sox who seem to be interested only in players who can help them win.

Team officials say they are hopeful that recent acquisitions will build on last year’s failures. With the contract of Jose Guillen coming to an end in 2010, experts are speculating that Fields will assume his role as the team’s oft-injured under-producing power hitter.

Betemit, who has been listed at SS by ESPN and both 1B and 3B by MLB.com in the last 24 hours, will give depth at a key position for the Royals: a weak hitting infielder with no real position. With a fielding percentage of .940 at the position he has the most experience (3B), it’s concerning that he could be a defensive upgrade over starting 3B Alex Gordon (.920). Thankfully, Betemit’s .940 would be next to last in the league in 2009 among qualified players at third.

Getz may be the one hiccup in the process. After a respectable rookie season some are concerned that he will continue to perform well. The Royals hope that Getz will get with the program and leave most of his potential unfulfilled. However, should Getz prove to be more than a .250 hitter with a bad glove, the club won’t be afraid to trade Getz for less promising talent.

And the team doesn’t seem ready to stop bringing in mediocre talent. In addition to trading Teahan, the Royals declined to exercise a $3,000,000 option on the team’s 2009 home run leader Miguel Olivo. The catcher’s power surge in last season clearly didn’t fit in with the direction of the team.

There are still a number of issues to address such as how to get low trade value for the teams remaining quality players, Zack Greinke, Billy Butler, and Joakim Soria. But as past trades for Jermaine Dye, Carlos Beltran, and Johnny Damon have shown, the Royals have the ability to get the job done.

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Who are you welcoming? A question of demographics

November 9th, 2009 No Comments

Look, fun for the whole family! Dan Pink (A Whole New Mind) blogged this morning about a new report on American household demographics.

The report states that in 2010, the highest household demographic will be married couple with no children followed by single person households. Married with children will only account for 22% of all households. This isn’t off much from 2008 estimates found at the Census Bureau’s website, but it is worth thinking about.

Just 22%. Married with kids.

Fewer than 1 in 4.

Got it?

Ok. So here’s my question:

Is this how your church looks?

I know it’s not how mine looks. It’s easily half married with children households. This isn’t shocking. American churches have traditionally been a place centered around couples with kids. If you take into consideration that the kids of single parent families (about 8%) still get into children and youth programs, but that the parent works and doesn’t fit the couple paradigm, let’s estimate that number around 25%. This isn’t an age thing. Empty-nesters fit into the 75% as well.

How much of your programming is geared for the 75%? How much is geared for the 25%? Not just programming that isn’t exclusionary, but actually designed with either the 75% or the 25% in mind.

We’ve made church a fairly inviting place: a safe place to take our kids, sing for a while, drink some coffee, talk with some other people about our kids, etc. Though not everyone would agree, I think this is an environment that facilitates spiritual growth.

For the 25%.

And that’s great for them. I don’t want to take it away from them. And I don’t want them to leave. But I’m left wondering: will we reach out to everyone else?

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to market the Church (to the 75 or the 25). This isn’t about where we advertise or where we meet. We shouldn’t go hire a Coldplay cover band and have all our pastors dress at the GAP or the thrift store. The best ‘marketing’ a church can do is invite people into a welcoming, caring community who have been transformed by the radical, counter-cultural living out of the gospel of Jesus.

But after you’ve invited everyone, is everyone welcome?

Welcome your mission field.

Not welcome to your mission field.

Welcome them. Make your church a place they feel at home.

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One more idea about what’s wrong with the Royals

November 2nd, 2009 No Comments

Jokaim Soria should stay in KC Sam Mellinger, who I think really gets it, wrote a blog last week about why the Royals should trade Joakim Soria. The logic is solid. It totally makes sense. With one caveat: the Royals front office can’t get fair value. This organization has shown themselves to be incompetent at getting value when trading anyone, let alone a star player. Minnesota could get four future Yankees for Soria. The Royals would be lucky to grab a couple .270 hitters who can put up 15 home runs and a middle reliever who replaces Ramirez or Nunez from last year’s trades.

More likely they get a couple .240 hitters who put up 10 dingers while being injured for 1/2 of the season, and a closer who blows a couple fewer leads than Kyle Farnsworth would.

Kansas City has had tons of prospects. The ones that turn out we trade for more prospects. The ones that don’t perform (or get injured and “we’d like to see what they can do in a full season”) we keep. From 1996 to 2008, there has been at least one former Royal on the WS winner’s post season roster. Tom Gordon, Kyle Snyder, Jeff Suppan, Jermaine Dye, Johnny Damon, Jeff Conine, Jay Bell, David Cone (x3) and Chili Davis, Jeff Conine and Jim Eisenreich, and David Cone (again). The exception was 2002 (Tom Goodwin was on the Giants losing roster). 2009 is guarenteed to continue the trend, with former Royals on both the Yankees and the Phillies. The best former Royal not on that list is number 9 on the top 10 home runs as a Royal list. He did it in just five and a half seasons in blue. If he were still a Royal, he’d be pushing Brett for the top spot next season or the season after.

During that same time, the Royals have a winning percentage of .422.

If you go back to 1991, the year George Brett became a DH and the Royals started rebuilding, their winning percentage is .440. They’ve had just four winning seasons. How do you explain it? None of the players are still here. None of the coaches are still around. Even the owner is different. Good players come to Kansas City and either get hurt or vastly under-perform. Players with great promise fell apart (Bob Hamlin and Angel Berroa to name a couple Rookie of the Year winners). Only the Expos/Nationals have gone longer without a playoff appearance.

What gives?

Anglican Bishop N.T. Wright offers one possible explanation in “Evil and the Justice of God”: “There is a great deal to be said for the view that all corporate institutions have a kind of corporate soul, an identity which is greater than the sum of its parts, which can actually tell the parts what to do and how to do it. This leads to the view that in some cases at least, some of these corporate institutions can become so corrupted with evil that the language of ‘possession’ at a corporate level becomes the only way to explain the phenomena before us.” (Intervaristy Press, pg. 38-39)

I don’t think the Royals have a demon. But maybe Wright is on to something. It seems that no matter how the parts change, the same result occurs. It’s as if there is something overarching that moves this team toward mediocrity. The culture of under-performance, while not demonic, reaches back to the earliest part of the post-Brett era and seems to be embedded as deep as a soul would be. I still think a salary cap would help. But every other team in baseball save the Expos have had some measure of success greater than Kansas City. I’m not sure that I have much of an explanation left.

Anybody know a good priest?

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The best things in life are green or Larry Johnson needs to spend an afternoon with Wendell Berry

October 29th, 2009 No Comments

Larry Johnson’s made his share of headlines this week. His agent, Peter Shaffer, has been in every one, not apologizing, but explaining away his client’s behavior. Yesterday, Shaffer told The Star on Monday that he advises Johnson and his other clients to be careful on Twitter. Kent Babb wrote: Schaffer said he preferred that his clients avoid social-networking sites, but the agent said he doesn’t force players to stop expressing themselves online.

But here’s the telling statement from Shaffer:

“They’re not making money on it. I don’t see (any benefit).”

Larry Johnson is surrounded by people telling him life is about getting paid. He is not a person, he is a corporation. Time is money, life is about money, so keep your head on straight so that you can get paid.

Humans are greedy, but LJ already knows money won’t buy him happiness. He’s got all the wealth a guy could want. But he’s not happy. Maybe winning would make him happy, but it was the offseason after going to the playoffs that caused Johnson the most trouble.

Larry Johnson could use some perspective. Don Miller would say he needs a better story. Wendell Berry would probably advise him to do something even more radical than the poem below, but I can’t help but think it’s the kind of life that LJ needs.

MANIFESTO: THE MAD FARMER LIBERATION FRONT
by Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.
 
Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?
 
Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

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